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 Review of Cyclone @ Astroland
4 Rating Posted by: Hercules on 5/31/2007 12:58:00 PM
At the dinner table of the wooden coaster Gods a seat is reserved for the Crystal Beach Cyclone, Jackrabbit and Hercules. Alas, these coasters will never join again – a mere place setting is in their honor. The kiddie table is bussling with excitement and glee as all children’s tables seem to do, with El Toro and Voyage playing leap frog, Kentucky Rumbler and Thunderbird are tossing around the powdered sugar from their funnel cakes, and Renegade is drilling holes in the floor. A group of refurbished coasters, most notably Wild One and the Riverside Cyclone, tell tales of the good ol’ days and yester year. Others are engaged in games and waiting for the arrival of the head of the table. Each year is full of mystery. Will he or won’t he show? Then, silence. The wait is over. The Coney Island Cyclone has arrived. With the flair and shear oddity of Coney Island, the Cyclone enters, with nonextravigent, but emphatic fanfare indeed. The Cyclone is the wise grandfather at the head of the table Those of high ranking such as Phoenix, Boulder Dash, Balder and Thunderhead sit near. The Cyclone has made it.

The Cyclone is open. The season can officially begin.

Every year it is a wonder as to what is going to happen with the Cyclone and Coney Island as a whole. There has never been a set answer. Now we know.

It was truly an honor to ride THE Cylone. You could say Coney Island Cyclone, but it is THE Cyclone. When the name Cyclone is used, it is THE on that people think of.

Upon exiting my train, I was greeted by the countdown to the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. My head then turned left… I stood in line for 45 minutes. I rounded a corner, and then made a ride turn and there it stood – David. The only thing that has come close to the feeling that I had inside of me at that moment was when I first laid eyes on the Cyclone. I actually felt my heart skip.

The sign said NO SMOKING. Two ride ops were smoking. I had a feeling that I wasn’t at Dorney anymore. There was roughly 8 or 9 ride ops making things move very quickly. They were an interesting group. One was named Tyrus. Another at a slice of pizza while securing the lap bars. Another was one of the palest men I have ever seen, with silver plated grillz and two strands of dreads falling down to the middle part of his back. These were clearly not the kind of people I am used to being around. I’m not saying that is a bad thing, and I am not saying that I’m used to hanging with preppy Andy Roddick’s, but the ride ops and station aura are something that I had never seen or felt before. And don’t forget to fasten you wigs and hair pieces and that re-rides are just 4 “dollas”.

The climb up the lift is seriel. There is a great view of the calm waters ahead. It kind of makes one forget about what is going on below and it is certainly the complete opposite of what is to come.

They were able to build drops like this 80 years ago? Maybe I am just a product of this new technologically enhanced era, but I am impressed that this thing has not fallen over. The drop is better than El Toro’s, but just slightly off of J2’s for me. It is wild.

The entire ride is wild. Hell, it is a religious experience with Hulk Hogan as the pastor. The first drop is the lock up. The turn around is the calm before the match heats up. Then, prepare to get thrown around the ring, and tossed up and down and side to side. The first hill is a clothesline and the second is a piledriver. The second turn around is the set up for the final moves: a big boot and the leg drop.

The leg drop is that second hill. May I say now, and quote me on this – the back seat is not for everyone. It is for me, but not all. The entire ride is crazy in the back, but most of all at this point. During one ride it felt like my left testicle was mashed into the consistency of the strained peas being served at tomorrow’s dinner at the senior cente

Review Comments

hrrytraver on 5/31/2007 3:03:37 PM said:
Timberman on 5/31/2007 8:34:38 PM said:
If the Cyclone is "a religious experience with Hulk Hogan as the pastor," then this review is its gospel. Excellent work, and well worth the wait. Im glad I was there at your Coney Island confirmation.
ginzo on 5/31/2007 9:47:23 PM said:
Excellent review. Though the following part does concern me:

"During one ride it felt like my left testicle was mashed into the consistency of the strained peas being served at tomorrow’s dinner at the senior center down the street."

Maybe I should avoid the back seat whenever I get up to ride this thing. I may make it up there this Summer.
Hercules on 5/31/2007 10:57:44 PM said:
Like I said, the back seat is not for everyone. Crazy people like Timberman and myself - yes. ginzo - maybe not.
ginzo on 6/1/2007 7:54:21 AM said:
Well, the child rearing years are approaching me rapidly, and Id like to not have to fly to China and buy a kid. Though I could get a bunch of new credits that way. Hmmmm.....
adriahna on 6/1/2007 9:23:37 AM said:
Mmmmmmm good stuff, Hercules. Im with hrry on this wholeheartedly... YES.
larrygator on 6/1/2007 9:56:33 AM said:
"They were able to build drops like this 80 years ago? Maybe I am just a product of this new technologically enhanced era, but I am impressed that this thing has not fallen over."

My exactly thoughts and why I love The Cyclone also.
hrrytraver on 6/1/2007 10:52:23 AM said:
ginzo, heres a simple fix to solve all of your quandries - wear a cup on the cyclone, that way when you go trolling across china for credits (not for adoptees) you will also have your nads in their integral state, thus opening you up for also trolling acrosss the whorehouses of shanghai (using protection, of course). then, after debauched credit harvesting in china, you can return to the usa and only then begin the process of harvesting little ginzos with a nice american girl. there you have it - oats sown, cyclone credit gained, a lttle world weary but none the worse for wear. an interesting mens adventure novel will result, which i will gladly buy.
ginzo on 6/1/2007 4:09:15 PM said:
Great plan, but the wife wont go for the Shanghai hookers, err "sex workers"

If I do write a novel, it will be one of those old school "Choose Your Own Adventure" books.
Timberman on 6/1/2007 11:02:09 PM said:
Hrrytraver, you need to go see "Hostel."
Hercules on 6/2/2007 5:59:04 PM said:
traver should not see that movie because it might be the worst movie ever made.
shag9004 on 6/14/2008 9:28:57 PM said:
This is the best review I have read on this entire site! As a former fan of Saturday Nights Main Event I feel that this July when I finally make it to this piece of coaster history, I now know what to expect: some serious old school rough and tumble action!!
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